Luang Prabang

Simon writes:

This is a wee Canadian:

This is a night market in Luang Prabang (Northern Laos), selling the wares of the local hill tribes:

This is the resulting bill:

1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000

Teehee!

Vientiane, Laos

Simon writes:

Not much time to update the blog. Busy eating. Don't see why we should miss out on the annual glut. Happy Christmas.

Khao Yai National Park

Noelle writes:

We are now heading towards Laos where we will be spending Christmas and New Years. On our way we have stopped off at Khao Yai National Park which I've heard many mixed reviews about (some people have said they've gone and seen nothing). It's known for its abundance of wildlife, including tigers (now only 3 to 10 left), elephants, leopards, gibbons, hornbills, bears, you name it!

We had an amazing day on a small tour with a guide who could pick out snakes in the bushes from the truck we were driving in on the road. I have no idea how he did it.

Here are some of our picks including the great hornbill, whose wingspan measures up to 2 metres. We saw some of these in flight and it was truly awesome. The sound was quite spectacular as well.

Snakes:





Deer:




Waterfalls:




A great hornbill. There are loads of hornbill species in the park. This is the largest.




We saw lots of monkeys but unfortunately no gibbons so Simon had to improvise.




And of course the elepants. This first pic is just before this huge male started to charge our truck. Pretty frightening really.





The park at sunset.

Everything's political

Simon writes:

I expect literally nobody has been wondering what the penguins have been getting up to in Thailand. I guess it was inevitable really: our flightless friends couldn't resist trying to take advantage of the fluid political situation in the land of smiles. But they soon found that there is no place in the country's evolving political spectrum for their particular brand of violent, neo-fascist penguinism.

Fed up with it all, they then decided to take to the sea and swim home to the Arctic (see pic below)

They soon found out that four months of bone-idle mooching in a backpack does nothing for anybody's fitness levels. They came waddling back in shame. As I knew they would. Little vermin.

But speaking of returning home, the world appears to be conspiring against our plans to do it "sans avion" unfortunately. Our budget doesn't quite stretch to paying pirate ransoms so it would appear taking a boat from Bombay up the Red Sea to Egypt is out and the train route through Pakistan and Iran is apparently now a hotspot for the laughably misnamed war on terror. People are so bloody inconsiderate! Honestly!

So this is my plan: a direct appeal to Roman Abramovich, the sandpaper-faced Russian money hoarder with a penchant for bikini models and relentlessly annoying football teams.

"Roman old buddy! I hate Chelsea more than short people with umbrellas but I know you read this blog and I know you love it, so how about you sling us one of your yachts for a few weeks so we can take it round the Cape and back to Blighty?"

I fail to see a flaw in this plan. Comments on the plan are unwelcome, unless they're welcoming of it.

PS I lost my long johns. Cock.

Long awaited entry

Noelle writes:

Sorry for the lack of blog entries of late, we're been beaching it in the south of Thailand.

We are now on our fourth island, having bused it down to Krabi from Bangkok a couple of weeks ago where we caught a boat out to Ko Lanta. We spent four days swimming in the Andaman Sea, playing beach volleyball with a group of 18-20 year olds from Alberta, Canada and we even managed to get in a good deep sea fishing trip for Simon. Simon provided for us and brought in a tuna that we took to our trusty drinking venue to have barbequed for us that night.

Then we set off for Ko Ngai which is the most amazingly beautiful island. It has a handful of resorts and nothing else. Very peaceful and relaxing, so much so that we really didn't take our cameras out of their cases. The island itself has crystal clear waters with a sandy bottom and about 50m out there is a fantastic reef for snorkelling. So we basically spent our days sunnying on the beach and snorkelling on the reef with a one day kayaking trip around the island. Oh yeah, and more beach volleyball. We'll be trying out for the Canadian team when we return.


Ko Ngai was actually pretty amazing in terms of marine life as well. We saw a turtle on the reef and on our second to last day there were loads of fish mating in the shallow waters which soon contained millions of fish eggs everywhere, very cool.

Our next destination was Ko Samui where Simon had arranged for us to stay in a very swanky resort for my birthday. It was fabulous by the way and I was spoiled rotten.


We are now on Ko Tao and will be heading out on a snorkelling trip tomorrow. Ko Tao is a great place for diving but there is limited choice for Simon given we doesn't have his PADI certificate so we figured we'd check out the snorkelling first and then decide on the diving.

Bangkok

Simon writes:

So we're in Thailand's capital feeling just a wee bit smug about having forsaken air travel (the protesters have taken over both airports now). I've also got some advice for all the hand-wringing farangs (Thai word for foreigners) that are clogging up the internet cafes here with anguished calls to airline companies: get yourself a pair of stuffed penguins and do the travel thing properly you sorry bunch of crusty, weedling, soap-shy throwbacks!

Sorry. That was hypocritical and uncalled for. I just couldn't resist it.

Anyway, unfurl your furrowed brows: there doesn't appear to be any worries for our safety here. Most Thais we've spoken to are exasperated and a bit embarrassed about what's going on and the city's mostly very peaceful. We're out of here to the islands (overland of course!) later anyway.

So in keeping with my plan to bring you a photograph of the penguins in every country we visit, please see pic from Cambodia below. As Noelle mentioned we went to Angkor Wat very early in the morning and of course it was impossible to get the lazy freeloaders out of bed. You'll have to settle for one of them doing what they do best:

Cambodia to Thailand

Noelle writes:

As Simon mentioned earlier we visited the famous Angkor Wat along with Angkor Thom and numerous other temples in the area around Siem Reap. We ended up just going for a day as with our 5am start to see the sun rise over Angkor Wat and touring around in our tuk tuk for 8 hours we figured we were all templed out and ready to move onto Bangkok the following day. (Pics to follow.)

Unfortunately we didn't stay in Cambodia for very long, only 4 nights in the end. It was quite depressing at times, more so than Vietnam. The gap between rich and poor was much more apparent. In Vietnam we saw few cars, even in the major cities. It was mainly buses, trucks and motorbikes. In Cambodia there were a lot more cars on the road but then you also saw lots of families sleeping on the streets at night and on our bus trip through the countryside we saw a lot of livestock that was just skin and bones.

Bangkok is a completely different kettle of fish altogether. After the bumpy, non-paved roads of Cambodia we walked across the border (our easiest border crossing thus far) and hopped in our people carrier van and sped along the beautifully paved roads. It was probably the fastest we've travelled since China (no one in Vietnam or Cambodia goes very fast, mainly because the roads aren't good enough to do so). Coming into Bangkok felt like we were coming into Toronto. So many highways, lanes and so much traffic! The only difference was that you still saw children riding in the back of pickup trucks, 3 or 4 people to a motorbike scooting along the side of the highway and the occasional small child wandering through the stopped traffic trying to sell roses.

We even got to pass the riot police (still around after yesterday's mass demonstration). Half were standing attentive, the other half were napping or eating by the side of the road. So no worries about things kicking off anytime soon.

The long-awaited update

Simon writes:

Right, we're now in Phnom Penh, Cambodia. It's frikkin hot, I need the lav and I want to go and see a palace at some point. For these reasons I'm going to try to make this update concise and pray to the God of geekery Bill Gates that I can get some pics uploaded before Christmas.

Vietnamese highlands:

So the 6-day jaunt on the back of a couple of blokes' motorbikes alluded to in the previous post was pretty special. The route took us from Hoi An up into the mountains and back down to Nha Trang on the coast. On the way we got to see the first-hand production of ceramics, coffee, tea, rubber, pepper, honey, silk, bricks, cinnamon, pineapples, rice paper and rice noodles. There were street food feasts for 50p, stunning waterfalls, uber friendly minority peoples and an elephant that walked into a lake with us on the back (all this stuff about elephants being all clever and that is clearly rubbish). Pictures for your perusal:







Mui Ne:

Tone and Mr T dropped us off in Nha Trang, which was rubbish, apart from a fun boozy boat trip we went on. Mui Ne on the other hand was a proper coastal paradise, as you can see:





While Noelle had a massage I went fishing with this bloke and caught a bunch of puffer fish. Not edible but kinda fun when they blow themselves up to scare the crap out of you - works a treat actually.




We had a brief stop in Saigon to get leered at by the ladyboys (Miss Saigon my arse!) and then we headed up the Mekong river into Cambodia.

In the Mekong:

The mosquitoes are the size of albatrosses, the border guards on both sides (Vietnam and Cambodia) make a tidy living in backhanders and the children are adorable. I played keepy uppy with this wee fella I came across when lost on a bike ride through a village. Enlarge the pic for a better view of the shuttle cock/hackey sack thingy that all the kids have here.



Next stop Anghkor Wat and then into Thailand.

Bye!

Mui Ne

Noelle writes:

Sorry we've been neglecting the blog. We're just having too much fun to sit in internet cafes. In Mui Ne soaking up the much needed sun on the beach and by the pool.

Will write about our 6 day motorbike trip through the central highlands when it rains.

Disco!

Hoi an

Simon writes:

After a vomit-washed night bus from Hanoi, we arrived in the coastal town of Hoi An in Central Vietnam and our fortunes improved rapidly and dramatically. Noelle is in shopping heaven (there are about 500 tailors here able to making any piece of clothing you happen to have a picture of), the sun is shining (some of the time) and the penguins are enjoying the seafood and fraternising with the locals.

What's more, I appear to have transformed myself from being possibly the most weedling, miserable and energy-sapping shopping companion the world has ever seen to something of a style guru. It's not like I've begun wearing mascara, drinking latte or pouting inappropriately or anything; it's just that I've learned to vocalise when I like something or when I think it looks sh1t. Who'd have thought it could be so easy?! I'm even entertaining the possibility that Noelle actually agrees with me on this. Hope springs eternal...

In other news, we've taken to the roads on a motorbike (ooh er!). I would dearly love to be able to tell you that I tamed a 1000cc chopper, changed my name to Bone, dispensed with personal hygiene and got the word "DEATH" tattooed across my privates. Alas no, I'm nowhere near being a fully-fledged biker. However, I AM chalking up today's 100 kilometre day trip on a feisty little 125 with the mrs on the back as a victory. After all, I'm reliably informed that my little bro (Hi Oscar!) recently learned to ride a bicycle without stabilisers. An inspiring piece of news if ever there was one! Anything you can do buddy...

Still, you'll notice the news of our two-wheeled exploits comes after the proverbial fat lass has sung. This is partly to prevent parental jitters but also because when it comes to using the roads in Vietnam one does not push one's luck!

After staring for the past hour at a pop up box that is allegedly uploading photos I've come to the conclusion that this internet cafe is a walking talking joke workshop. Curses! Will provide pics (They. Are. Awesome.) as soon as.

The little things

Noelle writes:

It's kind of funny. In both China and Vietnam you can buy anything your heart desires. For instance we are now in Hoi An, a small town with over 500 tailors eagerly awaiting to make you whatever you wish. The only thing we have had a problem buying (which hasn't been a problem of late, given the floods) is sunscreen (that's suncream for you Brits). We have only been able to find one type of sunscreen in both countries and the largest bottle comes in at 75ml. Most of the time it is sold with skin whitening cream.

For nations that are so obsessed with having pale skin (you can buy massive bottles of skin whitening cream everywhere) I can't understand why they wouldn't sell larger bottles or different varieties of sunscreen.

So anyone who is planning on heading to either of these countries in future BRING SUNSCREEN. Or if anyone who has travelled to Vietnam and knows where we can buy decent sized bottles of sunscreen please do tell.

Nam

Simon writes:

Now you can get a taste of Hanoi for FREE! Yes, that's right folks! With a special one-off payment of just $0 plus 12 monthly instalments of $0 you can create that special Vietnam experience without having to leave the comfort of your own home!! This very special offer is just too good to miss and can be enjoyed in 5 quick and easy steps:

1 Stick all your money and everything that testifies to your official existence down your pants.
2 Dress yourself in a piece of plastic and a pair of flip flops.
3 Get into a tepid shower and put the water on FULL.
4 Remain there ALL DAY.
5 Repeat steps 1 to 4 ad nauseam.

This once in a lifetime offer is brought to you by an extremely pissed off Englishman holed up in Vietnam's washed out capital.

Joking aside, the amount of rain here does seem to be pretty exceptional from what we've heard. Here's some sobering news I found out this afternoon: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/7703672.stm

Still, we have managed to do a few things here - sampling the local food has been an adventure. I had "Crap soup" for lunch today. See pic below if you don't believe me:

Funnily enough it tasted a bit like crab. Odd.

Here are some other pics for your perusal:

Two days in Yangshuou

Simon writes:

Below is a brief description of what we got up to on two of the seven days we've been here. The other five have been uneventful because of either laziness or bad weather. Take it from me, this place is absolutely ballachingly beautful. In fact, you don't have to take it from me, just look at the photos below (by the way, if you double click on the pics they enlarge - what with me being a dribbling idiot when it comes to computer stuff, I only just found this out).






The photos above were taken on the first day of wonderment and joy, during which we hired mountain bikes, cycled up through the rice paddies by the Yulong river, took a ride on a bamboo raft (mostly very peaceful except for the bits where they threw you over waterfallls) with the bikes on the back and then went out on the razzmatazz in the evening.

The photos below are from the second day of wonderment and joy, during which we took a bus out to a far-flung village with the aim of doing a planned hike of four hours back down the Li River. We got lost in the mountains almost immediately and ended up following the directions of local villagers over goat paths and along deserted tracks towards the only town we knew how to pronounce. After nearly six hours it became clear we were still a long way off. We were concerned, but not wetting ourselves with panic or anything. Anyway, a random bloke with a motorbike (one of the first motorised vehicles we'd seen for many an hour) took pity on us (when we offered him a couple quid, anyway) and took us the rest of the way.

The evening was spent at the light show, directed by the fella who did the opening ceremony for the Olympics - punters punting on punts on the water with lights and music and stuff. Very impressive. The pic doesn't quite do it justice I'm afraid.





This last pic I took today and I think it's quite nice.

Bye!